Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
