My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
