what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
