Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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