You're a womanizer and a bitch.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
