That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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