Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
