like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
