he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
