I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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