i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Alive.
So much puke
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
