Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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