is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i wish my penis had a tongue
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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