Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I want a musical about memes.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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