all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
