You work out of a Hotel?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
