porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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