all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
