So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
