I just saw a hot homeless man
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
