Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
