I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
