God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
