I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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