Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
