Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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