I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
