I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
