Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
