On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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