dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
