wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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