Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize