I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
