I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
