we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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