who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
