there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
