New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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