one two three fourrrrnication!
I think I won the penis lottery.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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