If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I am available for nakedness
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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