someone get that fucking seahorse.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
