Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize