Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
