I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
