he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
