Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
