i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
