i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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