I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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