id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize