I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
