I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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