if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
