Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
