Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
