i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
