She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
