and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
