roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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