So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
