Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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