she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
