i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
