I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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