Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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